A few months back I talked about storytelling, and how telling your story, even if it’s just to one person, can heal. What I got back from that email was extraordinary, and this morning, I read through some of them, and felt so GRATEFUL about the impact this blog and this journey have had on my life and how it’s helped many of you.
If you’ve been following my story, you know it’s been a year where I’ve mainly just maintained my loss, yet hadn’t reached goal, and frankly I’ve been beating myself up about it. And then it hit me:
This past year has given me so many blessings and lessons. So often I forget how many blessings there are that I don’t see and appreciate each and every day. So often I forget how much power there is around having a vision and expecting miracles. Too often I get bogged down in the day to day, leaning much too far into the negative about what I don’t have, instead of vibrating in the abundance of life itself.
Ultimately vision and love are much more intertwined than I imagined. In order to create anything, you have to come from love. Love and creativity are beautifully intertwined. Over the summer, the miracle of renovating our 1850s farmhouse came to fruition. After months of designing and planning and literally loving and laboring it into being, it happened, And when my daughter came home from college after we had just moved back in, she said.”Mom, you can feel the love in this house.”
Another part of my vision board this year was getting to work for one of my heroes in the entertainment world. A few months ago, I got the call. My icon’s network wanted to move forward with development on one of my projects. While I can’t share all the details yet, it’s a concept that tells the stories of successful women over 35 who are re-inventing themselves, stepping outside their comfort zone and bringing more love into their lives. Quite literally the kind of stories I want to tell.
Last May, we lost our beloved dog Tommy. It was terribly sudden. He was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma, cancer of the blood vessels. Taking him to the vet that day, we never imagined we’d be saying goodbye just a few hours later. No symptoms until that morning, then suddenly, there was nothing to be done. We knew we had to wait until after we moved back into our home to even think about getting another pup, and my husband was pretty resistant about it. In his mind, too much work, tough when our schedules get crazy, less freedom. But then at Christmas, I got the news. My husband and daughter had already reserved a puppy and last week we brought home a beautiful mini golden doodle. We named her Ellie. When I get bogged down in the daily tasks of puppy training, I have to snap myself out of it, and remember, this is just more joy. The puppy period will pass, and the love and energy we invest will come back a hundred fold.
It’s been two years since I began my weight loss journey. I’ve gotten 85 pounds closer to my goal. And for a whole year, I allowed myself to get bogged down around all the energy I needed to put into it. Delaying gratification, making time to nourish myself, selecting the right foods, and battling whatever demons seem to come in the evenings when I’m most vulnerable. I’ve beaten myself up beyond belief for not getting to goal last year, for not making it important to stay the course. It was de-motivating, and ultimately undermining. I got distracted, I felt sorry for myself, and I lost sight of my vision. And in all of it, I also recognized that the amount of energy I was putting into preparing, taking time to think and plan, was nowhere near the energy needed to beat myself up, to feel down and depressed about it, to engage in negative thinking, or the anger that swells with the cries of “why me…how come I can’t do this?”.
So on this day…a day that celebrates love and connection, I’m reconnecting with the blessings and expressions of love that are always within reach. I look around my home that, just a few months ago, didn’t exist, at the beautiful playful ball of fur that sleeps beneath my feet, at the thank you email from my client who has, on more than one occasion acknowledged my work and thanked me for delivering what we all hope will become a television series, at the morning conversation with my husband of over 25 years who is there for me each and every day, and my two kids who support my work and love me no matter what. And last but should never be least, I embrace the body I have right now, not yet the size 6 or 8 that I envision, but the one that nevertheless carries me through each and every day. Whatever fear or head games I get caught up in, the truth is, I can have that vision too. And like everything I’ve ever cherished, it will take work and persistence and consistency. I deserve to go all the way, I deserve to be free of the crazy around my weight. I tack up new pictures on that vision board, and I set my sights to finish what I started.
Thank you for listening. Thank you for being on this journey with me. My wish for you on this day of love, is not roses or chocolates, but that you look around you, and count the blessings and accomplishments. Breathe in and celebrate where you are. You deserve to be in the light, to quite literally be luminous. Let the blame and shame move through and out the door. Let’s finish this together. I leave you with this…